Honeymooning was over. Time had come to accept marriage for what it really was. I realised this when one fine morning my mother-in-law handed the proverbial "chaabi-ka-guchcha" over to me in the presence of her husband and my husband. She said quite Nirupa-Roy-like:
"Its all yours now. The house. The Khandaan-ki-izzat. And of course the kitchen!!!"
I thought she had been rehearsing her lines and planning this "ceremony" for quite sometime. She had chosen an auspicious day, ensured that the two men of the house be present...and had prepared the Bollywoodish kheer too herself.
The Chaabi-ka-guchcha was quite an ornament in fact. Made from silver it had intricate minaakari made out very beautifully all over it. It hung proudly on my ma-in-law's waist tucked into her sari. This little piece of female adornment was actually a symbol of authority and signified the high position of the woman who possessed it.
I remember my hesitation. It was not perfunctory. I felt it was still her right being my husband's mother and having run the house efficiently for so long. I would learn from her gradually, make myself worthy of taking charge and only then would I think of steping into her shoes. But her mind was made up. She wanted her freedom. She needed to relax. Oh! Yes, she would be there to guide me, but from now on I would be "in-charge".
The Chaabi-ka-guchcha perhaps marks the biggest turning point in a woman's married life.
I now had the authority. I had the keys.
But I also had immense responsibilities and duties.
The first few months went off rather smoothly. Then...
I didn't know how it happened, but every time I was broke by the third week of the month. Whatever I tried, seemed to be of no help in improving the situation. Husband Ji was perturbed. His mother had never asked him for more money in the middle of the month. In fact she even seemed to often save a bit...!!!
I had studied Economics and a little commerce too. But surely Ghalib, the renowned Urdu poet had also been a student of Economics. How else could he write "hazaron khwahishein" and then also confess, "bahot niklay mere armaan lekin phir bhi kam niklay"
My husband suggested that I should make a note of all that I spend.
Fantastic!
I thought I would now have some peace of mind. But that was not to be. In fact I was more confused as my balance sheet never seemed to balance. For a long while I sat trying sincerely until my head ached and I felt giddy.
Milkman, Dhobi, Bai, Mali, cook, Newspaper, Electricity bill, telephone bill, petrol pump bill, vegetables, grocery, friend's daughter's birthday gift...I had calculated all...but still something was missing...
And then...God gave me wisdom...!!!
Husband satisfied. Me at ease. All fine.
One morning some months later he asked:
"What is GAK? You seem to be spending every month on it, yet I don't seem to see or understand what it is..."
I told him.
That of course did not change my pattern of living or the expenditure incurred every month.
And YESSSS... my husband gave me a raise too...but not before giving up every little hope of seeing me ever balance the Profit & Loss Account and pronouncing me as a potential threat to budding economists!
For "GAK" in my books of account stood for "God Alone Knows"...!!!!!!!!!
Ever since I have stopped writing any accounts.
God gives me...and I spend... :))
Monday, March 7, 2011
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Solution for our "Idiotic" Education System
"3 Idiots" was a super duper hit. It apparently talks of how the education system is killing the creativity and burdening students.
Does the film really serve the students with solutions or is it just another film , this is a matter of debate.
But talking of education system and the reforms it must undergo , does anyone think about the strongest pillar on which rests the entire system , and which also is the most neglected one ?
I am talking about teachers.
How often have we heard that teachers are poorly paid in most schools and colleges.
And quite often , government , who seems to be keen on bringing about the reforms , does not pay salaries to its teachers for months together.
In such a scenario is it any wonder that most of the teachers , specially in schools are into the profession not because of they are dedicated to the profession and love spreading and sharing knowledge , but simply because they could not get a better job and most of them actually do not like what they are doing
They are into it because they have a family to feed and responsibilities they cannot afford to overlook.
In times when one hears so much about pursuing a career of one's liking , how many are lucky enough to be doing so? Insecurities in life outdo every creativity that a person might posses.
We do not have the courage to say "NO" when it really matters.
An education system should teach this virtue also!
Also an education system anywhere in the world that does not teach basic human values fails its very purpose.
My mother tells us how difficult it was in her time for women from respectable Muslim
families in our native place to go to a school , more so to the convents
But my grandfather , convinced his mother , saying education polishes the soul.
However can an education system that creates clones of job-seekers also contribute to bringing about an improvement in the values, morals and principles that should govern life and be at the base of everything that one does in life.
By the way how many of us want our children to take up teaching as a profession ?
I would also like to make another point here since the film mentions the flaws in the country's education system , let us not conclude it provides real solutions too.
First of all it talks of only the above-90%-lot , those who have already qualified to be in a prestigious Engineering College.
It is another matter that some of them did not like engineering.
Let us realize the fact that between the completely dejected and the enviable toppers lies the majority :
The average student.
They are in majority. And it is basically their problems that should be discussed.
That would in all probability provide solace to those who are at the lowest rung of the ladder too.
The essence of it all for us is to realize that our children are not machines. Neither are they indebted to their elders so much that they are striving forever to fulfill the desires and dreams of their parents.
Our children are human beings , with their own personalities and preferences. Guiding them to be good human beings and invoking in them the spirit of healthy competition should be our role as parents.
Too idealistic to be true ?
Well ...
I believe in aiming high !
Lord Of Small Streets
The controversy over "My Name Is Khan" had not completely faded away. Newspapers have reported that Shiv Sena's threatening words did not deter the Mumbaikars from watching their (most?!) favourite Khan, while the Shiv Sena claims that Khan had apologised, to which Khan says he really had not. Hence long drawn heated egoistic arrows are flying in the air.
And on the heels of this, here comes another eyesore, with an arrow in the heart, for the various Senas who have assigned to themselves the job of saving a generation from cultural and moral downturns: The Valentine's Day is knocking on the door like a long-awaited opportunity for all those who needed just a moment's liberty to give words to their feelings.
I had heard some time back that all concerned have been warned against the consequences of Valentine Day celebration. Quite similar to last year and year before that and even before that...I mean this has been happening for the past many years. The "moral police" beats up young boys and girls, damages shops selling freaky tit-bits that these young "lovers" exchange as Valentine Day gifts and then every one goes home!
Neither the youth nor the goondas in the garb of "preachers-of-moral-values" have tried to bridge the gap between themselves.
What is wrong with celebrating life and the small opprtunities that it provides to be happy in the midst of the rat race one has to run to meet the legendary both ends, that actually never seem to meet? I think we need a little introspection here. There is nothing wrong with the celebration. What is wrong is going over-board. And if the various conscience-keepers of our system feel that something wrong is going on, they are in their right to ask for reforms.
But how does one reform an erring person? Taking from the Valentine's Day, I think it should be an effort made with love and thoughtfulness. Since we are so obsessed with Bollywood, it will be a good idea to remember Munnabhai 2, where the hero sends roses to his opponent for every wrong that he does with a "get well soon" message!
Having said this, I would like to ask a couple of questions that seem very paradoxical as I try to sort them out :
Is it right to damage private and public property to "protect" moral values?
Is it correct to damage cultural heritage under the pretext of saving National pride?
Is it really morally supreme to kill or harass young lovers who wish to marry each other, just because they happen to belong to different religions, castes, regions etc?
Is it human to wipe out human beings just because their land happens to be rich with minerals?
Is it anywhere near protecting values and principals when government after government facilitates the entry of murderous pharma gaints and seed companies that turn innocent human population into gunniea pigs and hugely indebt our own poor farmers so much so that they end up commiting suicides?
And these are not all of the atrocities that are happening beyond the control of the common man, who incidentally is in a majority and who actually ends up paying with money, material and sometimes even life so that the few not-so-common families can rule the planet and live in luxury.
In a discussion I was having with some people, one said : "How can a country survive without netas? I think they have their problems too, and what could be the solutions to their problems?"
His friend remarked :" Oh!Yes,it is really good to try and understand where the shoe could bite the wearer, and of course we need leaders and politicians, but in a democracy we expect them to be the leaders who safeguard the interests of the common people."
I leave it to the reader to decide and take this discussion forward.
As for me I think I should send the Thakerays some roses this Valentine's Day to remind them of the "dhaai akshar prem ke..."
And this is just by the way: I happened to see "My name is Khan" quite by chance...and I'm so glad I saw it.
The film has been recognised for its beautiful message...and I think it is quite an enlightening one.
And on the heels of this, here comes another eyesore, with an arrow in the heart, for the various Senas who have assigned to themselves the job of saving a generation from cultural and moral downturns: The Valentine's Day is knocking on the door like a long-awaited opportunity for all those who needed just a moment's liberty to give words to their feelings.
I had heard some time back that all concerned have been warned against the consequences of Valentine Day celebration. Quite similar to last year and year before that and even before that...I mean this has been happening for the past many years. The "moral police" beats up young boys and girls, damages shops selling freaky tit-bits that these young "lovers" exchange as Valentine Day gifts and then every one goes home!
Neither the youth nor the goondas in the garb of "preachers-of-moral-values" have tried to bridge the gap between themselves.
What is wrong with celebrating life and the small opprtunities that it provides to be happy in the midst of the rat race one has to run to meet the legendary both ends, that actually never seem to meet? I think we need a little introspection here. There is nothing wrong with the celebration. What is wrong is going over-board. And if the various conscience-keepers of our system feel that something wrong is going on, they are in their right to ask for reforms.
But how does one reform an erring person? Taking from the Valentine's Day, I think it should be an effort made with love and thoughtfulness. Since we are so obsessed with Bollywood, it will be a good idea to remember Munnabhai 2, where the hero sends roses to his opponent for every wrong that he does with a "get well soon" message!
Having said this, I would like to ask a couple of questions that seem very paradoxical as I try to sort them out :
Is it right to damage private and public property to "protect" moral values?
Is it correct to damage cultural heritage under the pretext of saving National pride?
Is it really morally supreme to kill or harass young lovers who wish to marry each other, just because they happen to belong to different religions, castes, regions etc?
Is it human to wipe out human beings just because their land happens to be rich with minerals?
Is it anywhere near protecting values and principals when government after government facilitates the entry of murderous pharma gaints and seed companies that turn innocent human population into gunniea pigs and hugely indebt our own poor farmers so much so that they end up commiting suicides?
And these are not all of the atrocities that are happening beyond the control of the common man, who incidentally is in a majority and who actually ends up paying with money, material and sometimes even life so that the few not-so-common families can rule the planet and live in luxury.
In a discussion I was having with some people, one said : "How can a country survive without netas? I think they have their problems too, and what could be the solutions to their problems?"
His friend remarked :" Oh!Yes,it is really good to try and understand where the shoe could bite the wearer, and of course we need leaders and politicians, but in a democracy we expect them to be the leaders who safeguard the interests of the common people."
I leave it to the reader to decide and take this discussion forward.
As for me I think I should send the Thakerays some roses this Valentine's Day to remind them of the "dhaai akshar prem ke..."
And this is just by the way: I happened to see "My name is Khan" quite by chance...and I'm so glad I saw it.
The film has been recognised for its beautiful message...and I think it is quite an enlightening one.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Made peace with my tormentors
I have given up. Just can't believe they have beaten me on my home ground. I had no idea how such small and sweet-looking creatures could trick me, dictate their own terms and get away with their "dadagiri".
They came into my life so gradually that I became aware of their presence when it had already become menacing and unbearable.
My very first memories of this apparently harmless creature is when as a little girl I had seen scores and scores of them at the Gateway Of India in Bombay .
The sea used to be comparatively clean and beautiful then, the sky usually clear.
A cluster of pigeons would often sit picking grains from the ground, which people would scatter around as a gesture of charity precisely to feed them.
Superstition has it that feeding pigeons supposedly brings in good fortune.
Even a slight distraction in this activity would make all of them fly at once.
That used to be such an awesome sight.
Many years later I saw my nephew feeding a pigeon on his window sill daily. His mother used to keep a stock of the grain that was preferred by this pigeon. It used to come every morning and get thoroughly pampered.
On another occassion, late one morning I hurriedly opened my door to frantic ringing of the door bell. A boy about ten or twelve was standing in front of me, worry written all over his face. He told me that he lives on the second floors , and that a pigeon had fallen from his balcony into mine.
I moved aside to let him in and find the victim . The boy knew exactly where to find the bird, as I went after him through the passage to the kitchen.
The bird lay quiet and vulnerable in a corner.
The boy took him up tenderly, ran a hand affectionately on its soft plumage, thanked me and left taking the pigeon with him
Messengers of peace and love, I always placed pigeons on the highest humane pedestal. For me they were the epitome of harmlessness, innocence, peace and love ... untill of course I saw their "true colour" ...
Darkish gray ... 😊😊😊 !!!
Change of my heart began when the potted plants in my balcony began to bloom and blossom. Initially I did not take the pecking on my favourite Aloe Vera seriously.
But it was too late to save the plant by the time I took the pigeon-menace seriously.
My healthy medicinal plant had been ruined. Badly pecked and grievously mutilated as these heartless birds tried to make a home for themselves in that lush green bulk.
Now they had invited my dislike
I relocated the Aloe Vera.
But every pot in the balcony could not be relocated.
Besides, they were all over ...
They strolled in casually to enjoy the warmth if my living room .
They would come and sit araam se behind me while I typed comments on Facebook.
I found them sitting on the sofa one morning, comfortable and cozy.
They often listened to the songs on Youtube with me 😊😊😊
And then they got real close ... !!!
It was a cold morning and inadvertently I had overslept.
A pigeon couple came in and sat on my razai.
They could have given me a Good Morning kiss had I not woken up a bit fearful of what was moving over me ... !!!!!!!
Imagine my screams of horror when I saw the two of them actually perched on me !!!
Hearing my screams, they must have got confused and scared too
Suddenly they started fluttering and flying here and there in the room ... and then thankfully they flew out of the window ...
I changed the curtains in my house.
Got rather heavy ones which the pigeons could not move ... Or so I thought ...
But my plants were still in danger. They would grow well for some time and then these annoying creatures would take their pick.
Meanwhile the curtains were no big deterrent either.
And one day I found a whole lot of twigs behind one of the curtains. I was about to question my home helper about it when like lightening , truth hit me ...
Oh! God I was terrified as I realised what it meant ...
They looked like some morbid stuff which I was honestly afraid to touch.
But I also had to get rid of it really quickly.
So holding my breath, and looking the other way, I threw the entire bunch out of the window.
What I had thrown out was the home of a by-now painfully controversial figure in my life.
So did I feel any remorse...?
I sure did.
But closed the window tightly (perhaps symbolic of turning a deaf ear to my conscience !!!) only to open when I had to water the two potted plants kept there , one of the two being Aloe Vera, which I had kept there to "show" my might and "dare" my tormentors.
One morning as I opened the window to water the plants a ghoulish bunch of twigs in the Aloe Vera made me feel sick and nauseated. Without a second thought I pulled it away. And with as much anger and force as I could summon from within me, threw it far away.
But the next morning it was back.
Again ... and again ...
My cold war with them went on for a while ...
And then ...
I gave up.
I made peace with my tormentors.
I always keep that window closed , at times curtains drawn too (to keep our respective privacies ... 😊😊😊
Perhaps I didn't want to be reminded of how silently I surrendered !!!
As a consolation , I told myself I was being stupid fighting with pigeons ... what do we have in common anyway ... and what can those helpless souls do if God has made them that way ...
Poor things ! they don't even have the mind to think rationally
Why else would they not make a cute nest for themselves in some nice shady tree so that their home is not so mercilessly devastated even before it is fully made.
We had seen pics of them as symbols of peace with a tender olive branch in their beak
They have been romanticised in Hindi film songs and by Urdu poets as carriers of love messages , but their own life is full of stress and struggle as they roam about eternally in search of a dignified existence.
And now there's an egg in my Aloe Vera !!!!!
I am amazed to see how that small white thing changed everything.
Although I still do not like the pigeons, I love the way it guards that egg every moment of the day. So much so that it makes me guilty when I open the window to water the plants and this Mother-Pigeon has to fly away.
I hope she understands why I just cannot help but disturb her.
Sharing a pic of another plant that was totally ruined because I preferred to save the eggs of a pigeon 😘💝💐💐💐
Thursday, September 30, 2010
He will Protect His house
This small incident that I'm sharing here is one of many such stories that have been a part of my growing up. They have been, quite unknown to me, instrumental in shaping my thought process, because the kind of thinking and mind set that I seem to have developed is certainly thanks to the ideals that my elders held dear to their heart. As I saw them conduct their day-to-day life, they left their mark on my impressionable mind too.
And this rather obscure incident tucked away in time has... specially in recent times, shown me the way forward...guided me...taken me a step closer to being human.
This happened around the time when Partition of India had become inevitable. The air in the country was filled with the venom of distrust, confusion and rumours. One day my grandfather had just come home after a hectic day in court, and was going to freshen himself when his personal assistant came and informed that a group of men had come to meet him. My grandfather was a prominent personality in the town. It was not unusual for people, strangers and all, coming to meet him. But this was not the time he met outsiders.
His assistant informed that the visitors had come from a nearby village. And they look scared and worried, hence the matter might be serious.
So grandfather came out and asked them the purpose of their visit. One among them spoke in a hushed tone. He said they had heard that the "other party" had decided to desecrate a Masjid on the outskirts of the town in the darkness of the night.
My grandfather was quiet. He was not just a well-known lawyer in town, his knowledge of the scriptures and religious books was highly acclaimed too.
The visitors looked at him expectantly.
His forehead creased a bit as he frowned.
To their surprise he asked them :
"What do you want from me...?"
"Khan Bahadar Saheb! Don't you think it is our sacred duty to make an effort to save that Masjid?" one of them asked, showing obvious displeasure at my grandfather's rather blunt stance.
Khan Bahadar Saheb again went into a thoughtful pause, before speaking.
When he spoke, he said:
"You will agree that as a natural instinct we all have this habit of protecting our possessions. We often ask God's help in this endeavour. Be it our house, our children, our property, assets...etc etc."
He used to speak very softly and there always seemed a pleasant smile not very far away from his face. I can imagine he must have spoken slowly and patiently as he went on to say,
"Now...I understand that any Masjid is a house of God...do you think God Almighty needs you and me to ptotect His house ...is He not capable of protecting His own dwelling... ??? The Lord of This World, This Universe... The Lord of the known and the unknown...all knowlegeable, all powerful...depends on us for protecting His house...?!!!!! To me this sounds ridiculous..."
His visitors were far from satisfied.
So he explained to them:
"Let us all do our duty to Him...obey His message, try to be good human beings...and please I request you not to disgarce Him so much."
There was silence for a while.
Then one of the visitors said rather caustically, "And Sir! don't you think it is our duty to defend our faith, and the mosque which represents our faith?"
Khan Bahadar Saheb looked at him and replied politely,
"No! I don't think its our duty...at best it is your wishful thinking...Get rid of it..."
Saying this he excused himself and went in to offer his namaz.
And this rather obscure incident tucked away in time has... specially in recent times, shown me the way forward...guided me...taken me a step closer to being human.
This happened around the time when Partition of India had become inevitable. The air in the country was filled with the venom of distrust, confusion and rumours. One day my grandfather had just come home after a hectic day in court, and was going to freshen himself when his personal assistant came and informed that a group of men had come to meet him. My grandfather was a prominent personality in the town. It was not unusual for people, strangers and all, coming to meet him. But this was not the time he met outsiders.
His assistant informed that the visitors had come from a nearby village. And they look scared and worried, hence the matter might be serious.
So grandfather came out and asked them the purpose of their visit. One among them spoke in a hushed tone. He said they had heard that the "other party" had decided to desecrate a Masjid on the outskirts of the town in the darkness of the night.
My grandfather was quiet. He was not just a well-known lawyer in town, his knowledge of the scriptures and religious books was highly acclaimed too.
The visitors looked at him expectantly.
His forehead creased a bit as he frowned.
To their surprise he asked them :
"What do you want from me...?"
"Khan Bahadar Saheb! Don't you think it is our sacred duty to make an effort to save that Masjid?" one of them asked, showing obvious displeasure at my grandfather's rather blunt stance.
Khan Bahadar Saheb again went into a thoughtful pause, before speaking.
When he spoke, he said:
"You will agree that as a natural instinct we all have this habit of protecting our possessions. We often ask God's help in this endeavour. Be it our house, our children, our property, assets...etc etc."
He used to speak very softly and there always seemed a pleasant smile not very far away from his face. I can imagine he must have spoken slowly and patiently as he went on to say,
"Now...I understand that any Masjid is a house of God...do you think God Almighty needs you and me to ptotect His house ...is He not capable of protecting His own dwelling... ??? The Lord of This World, This Universe... The Lord of the known and the unknown...all knowlegeable, all powerful...depends on us for protecting His house...?!!!!! To me this sounds ridiculous..."
His visitors were far from satisfied.
So he explained to them:
"Let us all do our duty to Him...obey His message, try to be good human beings...and please I request you not to disgarce Him so much."
There was silence for a while.
Then one of the visitors said rather caustically, "And Sir! don't you think it is our duty to defend our faith, and the mosque which represents our faith?"
Khan Bahadar Saheb looked at him and replied politely,
"No! I don't think its our duty...at best it is your wishful thinking...Get rid of it..."
Saying this he excused himself and went in to offer his namaz.
Monday, September 27, 2010
The Games Leaders Of The People Play
The two most talked-about things these days are Common Wealth Games and the Ramjanmabhoomi issue, which is also called the Babri Masjid dispute. CWG is perhaps taking the top TRPs if one is to talk in the television nework parlance. Kalmadi is the main villain. He is being profusely abused and disgraced by all and sundry for what he has done. And I agree that the people are absolutely right in hating Kalmadi. I am no different in my views on him.
But as for the Ayodhya issue the perpetrators of the crime of first destroying a heritage structure (which was our national wealth) and then being responsible for so many riots ,loss of property and life, are all people of high repute, enjoying the privileges of the highest offices in the country.
We all unite in demonstrating an impeccable proof of our patriotism when the target is safe (and soft) as in everyone knows there is not going to be any controversial fall out of condemning Kalmadi. But we develop cold feet and take refuge in religious values when the actual murderers and the real traitors are to be brought to book. Most of us are relieved to see serious filth (of injustice and corruption) being broomed under the carpet and blaming some weak link for it when it becomes huge and comes back disturbing us with its incessant and unbearable stink.
Of course the mismanagement of Common Wealth Games and the shameless corruption involved therein is unforgivable. But is Kalmadi alone to be blamed ? Is he the only one who has swallowed immeasurable public funds ?
And while we answer these and such other many more questions related to our national pride, it will be worthwhile to do an honest introspection of the other problem which is more long-standing and has done much more incaculable damage. Also it is still a dormant volcano that can errupt any time.
The High Court verdict on this dispute which was to come on 24th of this month and is now expected possibly later in the month is certainly not going to solve the issue. For the simple reason that one of the parties in the dispute is not ready to obey the court order if it goes against them, and secondly the other party has another higher court, the Supreme Court of the country to look up to if the verdict goes against them. So either way the dispute continues.
Not to mention that no action has been taken against anyone of those terror-mongers who openly say they will not obey the law of the land. They have shown a complete disregard for the Constitution of the country, but the law does not punish them.
Partition of India was also resorted to saying it was a solution to the Hindu-Muslim problem simmering at the time of our Independence struggle. What has it solved is for all to see.
And as for the Ayodhya issue (I will repeat myself here that) the only real solution is that the court must surprise the nation with a neutral judgement, if the parties to the dispute are not able to come to an amicable mature solution on their own.
Neither side should be allowed the possession of the site. The ownership should be given to the government of India with specific directions that within a stipulated time frame of say a year or two there would be a structure of public utility, specially benefitting the poor and underprivileged be built there.
I don't think this will be a difficult job if the court orders thus. Both the warring parties must then be strictly made to give in to this order in the interest of the nation and in keeping with teachings of the faiths or God/Prophet that they so ardently follow.
No religion in its pure and true form has ever endorsed violence and killing.
The courts have a duty to not just decide a case this way or that, they have a responsibility to guide the people too, setting examples in justice and ensuring peaceful working of a system.
The Courts must be courageous enough to set exemplary trends in such cases, as this is no ordinary case of a mere title to some property in a remote place. Taking into account the extraordinary nature of this case, our judges can for a change be innovative and intelligent , sending out a message that any religious place over which there comes a debate or conflict would be taken over by the State.
Do we always have to follow a precedent or are we indeed that super-power-in -the-making who can fearlessly set examples for the world to emulate...?
And as for the date of the announcement of court verdict and the beginning of Common Wealth Games being so close on heels, one can hope that the government would not allow any untoward incident as an aftermath of the Ayodhya judgement in view of CWG preparations and Kalmadi having tarnished the Indian Pride enough.
But as for the Ayodhya issue the perpetrators of the crime of first destroying a heritage structure (which was our national wealth) and then being responsible for so many riots ,loss of property and life, are all people of high repute, enjoying the privileges of the highest offices in the country.
We all unite in demonstrating an impeccable proof of our patriotism when the target is safe (and soft) as in everyone knows there is not going to be any controversial fall out of condemning Kalmadi. But we develop cold feet and take refuge in religious values when the actual murderers and the real traitors are to be brought to book. Most of us are relieved to see serious filth (of injustice and corruption) being broomed under the carpet and blaming some weak link for it when it becomes huge and comes back disturbing us with its incessant and unbearable stink.
Of course the mismanagement of Common Wealth Games and the shameless corruption involved therein is unforgivable. But is Kalmadi alone to be blamed ? Is he the only one who has swallowed immeasurable public funds ?
And while we answer these and such other many more questions related to our national pride, it will be worthwhile to do an honest introspection of the other problem which is more long-standing and has done much more incaculable damage. Also it is still a dormant volcano that can errupt any time.
The High Court verdict on this dispute which was to come on 24th of this month and is now expected possibly later in the month is certainly not going to solve the issue. For the simple reason that one of the parties in the dispute is not ready to obey the court order if it goes against them, and secondly the other party has another higher court, the Supreme Court of the country to look up to if the verdict goes against them. So either way the dispute continues.
Not to mention that no action has been taken against anyone of those terror-mongers who openly say they will not obey the law of the land. They have shown a complete disregard for the Constitution of the country, but the law does not punish them.
Partition of India was also resorted to saying it was a solution to the Hindu-Muslim problem simmering at the time of our Independence struggle. What has it solved is for all to see.
And as for the Ayodhya issue (I will repeat myself here that) the only real solution is that the court must surprise the nation with a neutral judgement, if the parties to the dispute are not able to come to an amicable mature solution on their own.
Neither side should be allowed the possession of the site. The ownership should be given to the government of India with specific directions that within a stipulated time frame of say a year or two there would be a structure of public utility, specially benefitting the poor and underprivileged be built there.
I don't think this will be a difficult job if the court orders thus. Both the warring parties must then be strictly made to give in to this order in the interest of the nation and in keeping with teachings of the faiths or God/Prophet that they so ardently follow.
No religion in its pure and true form has ever endorsed violence and killing.
The courts have a duty to not just decide a case this way or that, they have a responsibility to guide the people too, setting examples in justice and ensuring peaceful working of a system.
The Courts must be courageous enough to set exemplary trends in such cases, as this is no ordinary case of a mere title to some property in a remote place. Taking into account the extraordinary nature of this case, our judges can for a change be innovative and intelligent , sending out a message that any religious place over which there comes a debate or conflict would be taken over by the State.
Do we always have to follow a precedent or are we indeed that super-power-in -the-making who can fearlessly set examples for the world to emulate...?
And as for the date of the announcement of court verdict and the beginning of Common Wealth Games being so close on heels, one can hope that the government would not allow any untoward incident as an aftermath of the Ayodhya judgement in view of CWG preparations and Kalmadi having tarnished the Indian Pride enough.
Monday, September 13, 2010
This Independence Day, I thought of what Independence really means...
"Eat to please thyself, but dress to please others.", said Benjamin Franklin
"Elegance does not consist in putting on a new dress.", these words of depth come from none other than Coco Chanel
"Be careless in your dress if you will, but keep a tidy soul." disclosed Mark Twain
"A woman should be less concerned about Paris and more concerned about whether the dress she's about to buy relates to the way she lives." advised Geoffrey Beene.
All of this is fine. And coming from some great people there has to be some soul into these above-mentioned words of wisdom. Hence I conclude that while dressing well is important, it must not be just something expensive. It must be something decent as well. Also apparently it goes without saying that it is not only the clothes you wear that reflect your personality. It is the way you carry yourself, the accessories that you choose, the way you keep your hair...and many such other things that count in building up your image as others see it.
In places where a uniform or a dress code is to be followed it is easier to conform and that does not necessarily reflect the personlity of the individual, but rather the descipline and the character of the instution or the organisation, which in the long does shape the character of the individual too.
So when a child enters school, he learns for the first time in life that there are certain rules to be followed. There is a time to play, to eat (and even drink). There are basic etiqutte that must be strictly adhered to. Completing Home Work and Class Work is not optional. Being present in the school, and not being in your class is severly punishable.
Fast forward to one's college days, where the hither-to-child suddenly (and quite unknowing to himself) finds himself in a transitional stage. Adolecense can be very confusing for the child as well as the parents. For the parents the child has still not grown up enough to be mature. But the child feels the breath of freshness that freedom brings. He feels mature enough to take charge of his life.
It is a crucial period and if differences between the parents and the child are more than superficial in this phase, it may ruin their future.
Often children dress up in a manner that would look weird to the adult eyes of caring parents who want nothing but the best for their children. There are various concerns in the turbulent mind of parents as to who their child is meeting. Oh! God they only hope the child is not into smoking, drinking or love affairs already. Why the concern, if history is repeating itself?!!
Or even if the parents have not done all that the child is doing, what is wrong? Can he not create history for his children???
Keeping cool is perhaps not easy for the parents. And I wonder how I did it when my elder son came home in the holidays with a ponytail and a thick beard. As I hugged him I admit to feeling rather proud. In fact I felt a strange sense of security. May be my happiness in seeing him after so many days was spilling over, and nothing at all could make me angry at that point in time.
Some years later was the turn of my younger son. He also grew a beard and let his hair follow the law of nature and grow in abundance as he entered junior college. Once again neither his crumpled shirt nor his cotton shoulder bag could make me loose my temper. In fact his hair bands and the care with which chose his shampoo and conditioner made me laugh.
One day he came home, and concealing his excitement as best as he could, smiling naughtily he told me that the college principal had given him the compliment of his life, saying his flowing tresses and the beard were so much "like that of the Lord Himself"!!!
And so seeing them trimmed or cut was out of the question for a long time. I enjoyed oiling my children's long hair on weekends. It was so much fun. Now that they keep their haircuts neat and tidy, I miss those lovely long ringlets of hair!!!
I love to see them enjoy their youth and do things that would help them grow with confidence in their persona and love in their hearts. The point is we all let ourselves loose at some point in life and live for the present, doing stupid things and deriving pleasure out of them. So never scoff at a youngsters for spending hours glued to mobile phones talking to the "opposite sex" (Isn't that normal considering the latest trends?). Also never judge a boy for his long tresses nor a girl for her boy-cut. The length of their hair, the excitement of wearing bizzare T-shirts, naughty mini skirts or a silly cargo is not going to affect their inner self as long as they know their responsibilities. The important thing is to let them grow into responsible young people with humanitarian values.
Homes must be places where the generation gap should melt into nothingness, and yet the care and concern the elders have for the young ones in the family as also the admiration and respect that the young must show for their elders must not be compromised.
And so while all the above mentioned wise thoughts of those great people must be respected, allowing a person the freedom to choose should be paramount as it complements freedom of ex-pression, and therefore is so much an integral part of the growth and all-round development of anyone.
I think as we celebrate yet another Independence Day, we must understand the meaning of freedom in this wider sense too.
Mr.Harsh Mander's views on this article :
-----------------------------------------------
Dear Zohra,
I just wanted to say what a lovely piece this is - not just about clothes, but about parenting, which is best if it gives children space to experiment, even on occasion be what one regards as 'foolish', and still make them feel accepted and safe.
There are many such insights I capture in your messages. Thanks for these.
Eid Mubarak and regards,
Harsh
"Elegance does not consist in putting on a new dress.", these words of depth come from none other than Coco Chanel
"Be careless in your dress if you will, but keep a tidy soul." disclosed Mark Twain
"A woman should be less concerned about Paris and more concerned about whether the dress she's about to buy relates to the way she lives." advised Geoffrey Beene.
All of this is fine. And coming from some great people there has to be some soul into these above-mentioned words of wisdom. Hence I conclude that while dressing well is important, it must not be just something expensive. It must be something decent as well. Also apparently it goes without saying that it is not only the clothes you wear that reflect your personality. It is the way you carry yourself, the accessories that you choose, the way you keep your hair...and many such other things that count in building up your image as others see it.
In places where a uniform or a dress code is to be followed it is easier to conform and that does not necessarily reflect the personlity of the individual, but rather the descipline and the character of the instution or the organisation, which in the long does shape the character of the individual too.
So when a child enters school, he learns for the first time in life that there are certain rules to be followed. There is a time to play, to eat (and even drink). There are basic etiqutte that must be strictly adhered to. Completing Home Work and Class Work is not optional. Being present in the school, and not being in your class is severly punishable.
Fast forward to one's college days, where the hither-to-child suddenly (and quite unknowing to himself) finds himself in a transitional stage. Adolecense can be very confusing for the child as well as the parents. For the parents the child has still not grown up enough to be mature. But the child feels the breath of freshness that freedom brings. He feels mature enough to take charge of his life.
It is a crucial period and if differences between the parents and the child are more than superficial in this phase, it may ruin their future.
Often children dress up in a manner that would look weird to the adult eyes of caring parents who want nothing but the best for their children. There are various concerns in the turbulent mind of parents as to who their child is meeting. Oh! God they only hope the child is not into smoking, drinking or love affairs already. Why the concern, if history is repeating itself?!!
Or even if the parents have not done all that the child is doing, what is wrong? Can he not create history for his children???
Keeping cool is perhaps not easy for the parents. And I wonder how I did it when my elder son came home in the holidays with a ponytail and a thick beard. As I hugged him I admit to feeling rather proud. In fact I felt a strange sense of security. May be my happiness in seeing him after so many days was spilling over, and nothing at all could make me angry at that point in time.
Some years later was the turn of my younger son. He also grew a beard and let his hair follow the law of nature and grow in abundance as he entered junior college. Once again neither his crumpled shirt nor his cotton shoulder bag could make me loose my temper. In fact his hair bands and the care with which chose his shampoo and conditioner made me laugh.
One day he came home, and concealing his excitement as best as he could, smiling naughtily he told me that the college principal had given him the compliment of his life, saying his flowing tresses and the beard were so much "like that of the Lord Himself"!!!
And so seeing them trimmed or cut was out of the question for a long time. I enjoyed oiling my children's long hair on weekends. It was so much fun. Now that they keep their haircuts neat and tidy, I miss those lovely long ringlets of hair!!!
I love to see them enjoy their youth and do things that would help them grow with confidence in their persona and love in their hearts. The point is we all let ourselves loose at some point in life and live for the present, doing stupid things and deriving pleasure out of them. So never scoff at a youngsters for spending hours glued to mobile phones talking to the "opposite sex" (Isn't that normal considering the latest trends?). Also never judge a boy for his long tresses nor a girl for her boy-cut. The length of their hair, the excitement of wearing bizzare T-shirts, naughty mini skirts or a silly cargo is not going to affect their inner self as long as they know their responsibilities. The important thing is to let them grow into responsible young people with humanitarian values.
Homes must be places where the generation gap should melt into nothingness, and yet the care and concern the elders have for the young ones in the family as also the admiration and respect that the young must show for their elders must not be compromised.
And so while all the above mentioned wise thoughts of those great people must be respected, allowing a person the freedom to choose should be paramount as it complements freedom of ex-pression, and therefore is so much an integral part of the growth and all-round development of anyone.
I think as we celebrate yet another Independence Day, we must understand the meaning of freedom in this wider sense too.
Mr.Harsh Mander's views on this article :
-----------------------------------------------
Dear Zohra,
I just wanted to say what a lovely piece this is - not just about clothes, but about parenting, which is best if it gives children space to experiment, even on occasion be what one regards as 'foolish', and still make them feel accepted and safe.
There are many such insights I capture in your messages. Thanks for these.
Eid Mubarak and regards,
Harsh
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