Life moves on

With technology entering every space of our life in the past few years the world has become a really small place. The way we eat, work, study, shop, socialise, entertain, all of it and more has changed, and changed really fast.
The advent of an infinite number of social networking sites and cell phones has revolutionised the way we meet and interact with people and make friends. It also means that relationships are not the same now. Is it any wonder then that in the new scenario love and relationship have also been redefined.

But as we become more literate and theoratically more knowledgeable about what love really is and what an ideal relationship should be like, emotions and feelings seem to have lost their depth,  becoming hilariously pathetic and superficial. So much so that at times their true meaning (if there ever was any) has been totally distorted.

Everyday one receives SMSes defining love and relationship and everyday users on public networking sites try to outdo one another with similar messages and posts.

"Relationship is like Taj Mahal. Everyone sees how beautiful it is, but no one realises how difficult it was to build"

"We love because it is the only true adventure"

"Love is friendship set on fire"

"May be love is like luck. You have to go all the way to find it"

"Relationship is like a violin. The music may stop now and then, but the strings remain attached."

"Love is the master key that opens the gates to happiness"

"All relations in the world are like insurance policy....We have to pay the premium of love and care to keep it going"

And this one I got yesterday in Hindi asks a question...an important one...
"Jeevan ka sab se bada nuqsaan tab hota hai jab hum jeevit hotey hain, lekin hamare rishtey marr jaatey hain...parr ye rishtey martey kyon hain....?"

Sometime back a friend had sent me an SMS which said "A relationship never dies naturally. It is always murdered"
And if this is true, then the question is who is the murderer?

Losses are always emotionally disturbing. Good-byes can be killing. But like time, relationships also see changes as they grow (or stagnate) with the passage of days, months and years. Time is never the same. Circumstances are never the same. But a rock-solid relationship built on mutual trust and patience usually sails through rough waters as diligently as it does when the weather is good and the sailing is smooth.

However such relationships are few and built reciprocally over a period of time. And it is immaterial if such a relationship is virtual or real. What matters is understanding and nurturing, in the absence of which even an apparently healthy-looking relationship may become weak and sick. And then it will not be surprising if it succumbs to neglect and suffer a humiliating death.

I think it would save a lot of misery if one can recognise the decay when it sets in and try to reverse the process. But if that does not work, then a whole lot of parting pain can be avoided if people move on with dignity, because if someone makes you miserable more than they make you happy, it does not matter how much you love them, you need to let them go.
One must realise that going to get a new start is by no means easy, but it is the right thing to do when a story has ended.
And of course it does give a lot of comfort to know that  even if a relationship is "murdered" (as mentioned above),  the murderer has to still live with it  because relation itself never dies.....it rises from the ashes like the legendary Phoenix, and manifests itself in another , may be even better form.

Where is the Finishing Line

"Paan Singh Tomar" Said my son when I asked him to recommend a good film.
He had to repeat the name at least thrice before I got it right !!!
"What a name-and-a-half...!!!" I blurted out
"Google it" He suggested.
I didn't. Was not very impressed. As it is, these days films have been mostly  atrocious cultural shocks that my traditional taste buds find too harsh on the digestive system.

But my son insisted I see it, and living upto my  Oh-So-Obedient Mother image, I obeyed.
And what a wonderful experience it was!
An absolutely brilliant film, "Paan Singh Tomar" is a sheer delight for anyone seeking good cinema.

Irrfan is all over the screen. Bursting with talent, he is a masterpiece in himself. But my respectful salutation to Tigmanshu Dhulia for choosing a subject as off-beat as "Paan Singh Tomar" and making such an honest film that brings to life a legend the Nation chose to not just forget but ruthlessly dump into unsung darkness and untold helplessness.

Paan Singh has an amazing range....easily any actor's dream role. But indeed at present I cannot think of anyone but Irrfan doing justice to it.
Paan Singh Tomar was a man of tremendous courage and explicit honesty. He believed in the law of the land and trusted with full conviction that whatever the odds truth would always win. But when that trust was shattered, he grabbed the law by its neck and twisted it in his very own characteristic style, and achieved the goal for which he crossed the line from being an extremely disciplined soldier/athlete to becoming a rather egoistic fugitive/dacoit.

Paan Singh Tomar would have been perfect had he not been a human being. But unfortunately he was a human being so he had his very humane (read self-destructive) imperfections. He ran the extremely demanding 3000 meter marathons.
For him a  race was a race. It did not matter where he was running it. However he never realised that every race has a finishing point. One must leave the ground after a race is over and move on....

Paan Singh Tomar won many races in National and International events. But when it came to life, he inadvertently got caught in a race where even after reaching the finishing line he kept running....ahead, ahead, ahead........going nowhere........

The Teeth and The Tongue

A friend sent me this beautiful quotation the other day : "No matter how many times the teeth bite the tongue, they still stay together in one mouth. This is the spirit of Forgiveness."
Oh! How lovely this sounds.
Of course to the one who is seeking forgiveness.
Does it mean then that the tongue should go on bearing the bite? Does it mean that one must go on forgiving a wrongdoer eternally?

How long does one sacrifice one's self respect in order to accomodate a friend's ego?

So this teeth-and-tongue quote remained in my thoughts through the day. And as I shared it with a couple of friends, I kept pondering over the fate of the soft and silent tongue.
The teeth, hard and sharp as they are, surely came across as the annoying bully who kept troubling a quiet and serene tongue. The similarity to human beings was indeed striking. A kind and quiet person is most likely cornered into isolation by a cunning and conniving lobbyist if the former chooses to assert himself on a conflicting issue. This revelation was discomforting because it meant that the bully will always have his way. The teeth will always bite the tongue. And the poor pained tongue had no place to go.

How far and how long would this play.....?
And then the legendary "bandd-aqal-ka-taala" opened... I smiled to myself thinking of the fate of the "hard-and-strong-thirty-two"
With the passage of time don't they fall off one by one naturally?
But the tongue always remains unhurt, unharmed... So no matter how many times the teeth bite the tongue, they still stay together in one mouth.... till the tongue's silence is rewarded and the teeth bow out.... forever... :))

Mere saath hi rehna hoga...

Wo dil jis mein hai yaad teri, mere paas hai, mere paas rahega
Lekin wo waqt jo saath guzaara tha tere
Uss ko to guzarna hoga...

Wo jo baatein tum se hua karti thiin, sadaa yaad rahengi mujh ko
Haan! wo lamhe jo gawaah thay unn baato'n ke
Unn ko to guzarna hoga...

Wo jagah aaj bhi hai tum ne jahan baagh lagaaye thay kabhi
Par wo baharein jin ki wajah tum thay
Unn ko to guzarna hoga...

Zakhm teri judaai ka, teri yaad ka tazaa hai, rahega har dum
Kal se hua aaj, aaj ban jaaega kal, waqt rukta nahi
Uss ko to guzarna hoga...

Saath tere mera bachpan bhi gaya, ek khal'a-a chhod gaya
Dhoondhta kya hoon, na aayengey wo pal
Unn ko to guzarna hoga...

Laakh chaha ke dafan kar doon tere saath mein yaadein teri
Ye na ho paya magar, mere jeenay ka sahara hain ye
Inn ko mere saath hi rehna hoga........

(By Ghazala)

Sari comes back

Whatever be the reason behind Vidya Balan's preference for saris, I am very happy to see the Deepikas, Kareenas, Dias and all the etceteras falling in line with her. After Rekha ji it is this indigenously pretty girl setting the trends in Bollywood. And what a completely rejuvenating experience this has been. Looking at Vidya so splendrously draped in six yards of shimmering silk, her elegant blouses making a sensuous statement and her magnificent jhumkas teasingly adding richness to her charm, is a delightful feast for the eyes.

The nauseating display of perfect bodies looking almost artificial in their finely chiseled beauty can take a break, while a rather imperfectly-moulded yet refreshingly beautiful real woman comes to fore.

I recently read that Vidya with her silk saaris and elbow-length blouses has become so uninterestingly predictable and that she is scared to experiment having gone wrong with her western outfits in the past. I dare say I have not heard another more ridiculously dumb remark. It smells of burning insecurity.
If Vidya is predictable in her saris I really wonder what all those scantily clad women who leave nothing to imagination are....????!!!!!

Call me traditional. Label me orthodox. But I strongly believe that being sufficiently and decently clothed is a sign of cultural refinement, human progress and a developed civilization.

Be it reel or real life, aristocracy and royalty have displayed their abundance and sensuality majestically covered in silks and chiffons rather than choosing to bare it all.
No wonder then that an innocent "hawa mein udta lal malmal ka dupatta" arouses much more desire and romance than a badnaam Munni's jhandoo balm or a Chikni Chameli's raunchy pauua...

Ek Rang Ye Bhi

Across the road opposite my house in Allahabad was the PWD Colony. We had not much in common with the residents there and most of the time lived in our separate worlds. I distantly remember some family names like The Goels, The Shuklas, The Senguptas, who we knew through chance meetings in the neighbourhood.

And there was also this one family who we hardly even spoke to, and yet quite certainly we shared a special bond with them. Their elder daughter was unfortunately mentally challenged. But it was a delight to see the dignified upbringing and care that she was receiving from her responsible and enlightened family.

I would often see her sitting with her mother engrossed in conversation oblivious of the world around them. The mother would sometimes be combing the girl's long black hair and at times trying to teach her to read and write.
Whenever our eyes met, we would exchange good-natured smiles.
My husband would gift her chocolates and biscuits on Children's Day.

Their unspoken reciprocation of affection would come with Holi Greetings.
Puri, kachori, paneer in a tasty gravy, seasonal vegetables cooked deliciously, dahi baras, two-three varities of papad, assorted snacks and the gujhias......all arranged on sparkling brass trays, with spotless white crocheted covers would come just in time for a delayed lazy lunch as my children returned home from the neighbour's house drenched in colours...

Amazing how the splendid colour of selfless love and regard manifests itself so silently, so sweetly, so memorably....

HAPPY HOLI :))

I am Sorry

It has been fearfully disturbing. This realisation that has so unexpectedly dawned upon me and comes haunting recurrently. I have suddenly realised that I have absolutely no idea how many people I might have hurt. 

To be fair to Myself I would insist that most of the time the act was unintentional. And to be fair to others (read my victims!!!) I will honestly admit that a couple of times I have hurt people knowingly (and justifiably).

"Justifiably" because I feel they had hurt me first. And that I was hurt much more by them, than they by me.

I also realised that the human body is immensely blessed. It has amazing healing powers. It can endure a lot. But the soul is delicate, fragile and weak. 

This may sound ironical to our belief because the body in its physical form withers, weakens and dies, while the soul is said to be immortal. And yet I think the soul is not empowered to mend itself. 

Once hurt, the soul is scarred forever. But the body usually bounces back after every suffering.

Another thing that I learnt as a child was that God forgives everything if the repentance is heartfelt. But He does not forgive us for the pain
that we cause to His Creations until that person (or creature) forgives us. And so wouldn't it be much better to stay hurt than be hurtful...
(How fair will this be to "I,Me,Myself" is another question)

For the moment imagine the silent distress of a heart that took the blows of someone's mindless egoistic maliciousness.

I don't know how many souls I have agonised. Hence in a bid to ease the anxiety that has come with the "awakening" that I have had, I keep
reiterating and "convincing" myself that any human being is a mixed bundle of virtues and sins. And it is in this form of one's life that
one is most vulnerable to temptations. So if I did really hurt someone (knowingly or unknowingly) it was only to stop getting hurt myself.

It was a pure and innocent act of self defence.
Come on! I have to be fair to Myself first.
But this argument has not helped ease a baffling conflict the three of us (I, Me, Myself) are having.
What I may do to save Me from Myself though, is seeking a sincere apology from each one of the people I have known.

However the Me inside Myself knows this is easier said than done.
Of the two most important people whose forgiveness I should have sought long ago, one is no more around. I mean my father. And the second, my mother does not have an e mail account (considering the fact that I am
sending this apology through an e mail).

Why is it so difficult to express ourselves to our dearest and most loved ones? why do we hide our pain (and often our love too )  from them? Why do we take them for granted? And why do we assume that they would always understand us and our silence ?

I have realised that once in a while our dearest and the most loved ones also need to be told quite simply and openly of our love for them.....and of the grievances that we might have with them .....
Why do we never think of apologising to ( or complimenting ) those who mean the world to us? This much we owe to those who make a happy difference in our life. And to ourselves too. 

By writing this I am trying to make amends and 

reach whoever I can. Forgiveness they say is Godly. And hence I have encouraged myself to seek it from noble souls who may be a lot more humane, kind and generous than I have known them to be.

Sorry may not be a big word. But its the only word I have right now.

So here's sending a sincere apology to all those who I might have hurt intentionally or unintentionally with an earnest hope that I ll be understood and forgiven 

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