Although this may be said more vocally about finances and money, the fact that relations are the most unstable of all the possessions that one may ever be attached to can hardly be denied.
Most of one's relations are established at birth just as some other vitals like religion, gender, nationality etc are as helplessly determined. In addition to these predetermined specifics in one's life there are more associations that come along through societal responsibilities like marriage and work/profession, and also as simply as friendships forged over a period of time.
Of the relations so developed, the extension of family through marriage becomes as important and permanent as the relations by birth or what are more popularly known as blood relations. And perhaps these are more complicated too as in they often become defining factors in shaping the bonding between blood relatives. They tend to determine the strengthening and blossoming (or the withering away) of a family and thus determine the happiness (or the conflict) that could make or break an entire clan.Therefore it is very important to choose these associations intelligently. But in a world full of imperfections, passion and selfishness this is easier said than done. One is so painfully amazed to see crowded family courts full of once-upon-a-time loved ones facing one another with bitterness. And more painful is the fact that they are but a small portion of the vast majority of blood relatives locked in varying degrees of hateful rivalry.
A fair amount of friction cannot be ruled out though, if individuals have to interact and live in harmony.
Ironical as it may sound, the fact that no two individuals are same, and difference in opinion is considered a healthy sign of co-existence cannot be ignored.
Tact, transperancy and understanding assume great importance in building and cementing long-lasting togetherness specially in multi-dimensional relations.
How can understanding develop?
And how much of tact should be brought into use?
How much should one "give" in order to be able take something in a "give-and-take" venture?
These are questions that do not have a tailor-made answer. Nor is there a ready-reckoner on relations that can provide helpful formulas forever. But some broadly defined rules can be kept in mind.
The following may be guidelines of sorts:
1) Always place yourself in the position of the other in case of a conflict to "understand" the other's point of view.
2) Never try to seek perfection.
3) Do not "give" anything in charity to someone who does not require it. And never "give" in expectation of something in return.
4) Always have work areas well defined.
5) Have good fences and respect other's space and privacy.
And the most important thing to remember is that for a relationship to be enjoyable one must understand and be understood by the other.
This is where transparency comes in. In most circumstances misunderstandings start with petty things and soon ego takes over reason.
Ego is often confused with self respect ... but while self respect makes a man worthy, ego spells doom ... self respect is a source of dignified existence, ego undoubtedly causes devastation, not just for the egotist but by extension to associated relationships as well.
Balancing anything is difficult.
And balancing kinship is perhaps the most difficult of all balancing acts. But relationships are the most precious treasure of a human being because good relations bring more contentment than all the material wealth in the world.
Hence investment in relations must be as selfless an effort as is humanly possible.
And if earnest attempts are made, even in an imperfect selfish world it is not impossible to have workably fulfilling relationships. The most important ingredient that goes into the making of delicious kinships is a lavish quantity of sincerity dressed with the most exhilarating herbs namely tact, love and humaneness.
But having a family , preferably a clan that upon whom one can depend , is the greatest of all blessings and it is never late in life to mend your relationships , especially the ones that were spiritually and emotionally the spine on which your body of relationships stood
